This is the longest I’ve gone without blogging for some time. But sometimes you just have to let life play itself out without comment. Like so many people, I have been in a wash of images and feelings about Michael Jackson. I knew him as well as one could know him during the time before he did “The Wiz” and up through “Thriller.” I couldn’t pretend to understand him. There were so many complicated signals. Did he want me to be his ‘older women’ friend. He gravitated to older women. For solace? Succor? A beard? Did he want me to teach him the ropes? I never could quite figure it out. But I remember one day he was visiting me at my ranch north of Santa Barbara. It was the first time he had been in that region but he must have liked it because later he bought his ranch in that same area. Anyway, as we walked around the ranch which was perched right at the edge of the mountain overlooking Goleta, I pointed to a spot where I told him I wanted to be buried. Michael had a melt down right then and there when he heard this. He shrieked and bent over and said “no, no, no!” “ What’s the matter,” I asked. “Don’t ever talk about your dying,” he answered. “Don’t ever think about it.”

I think about death all the time. I rehearse my death. I think that’s a healthy thing to do. Death, after all, is what gives life meaning the way noise gives meaning to silence. Ooooh, I thought to myself, Michael will have a hard time of it as he ages. He will spend all his energy trying to flee what is inevitable. And now it’s happened. I like the fact that it was quick. Massive heart attacks that you don’t recover from are quick. You don’t know what hit you. That’s probably the kindest death for Michael. It’s hard to imagine him being happy as he aged. One more demon to try and evade. I like to think he’s happy now, free of his demons. Free and floating and knowing how his art continues to be revered and celebrated by all of us all over the world. It will continue.

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  1. To Michael Jackson and other artists!
    Even if he seems sleeping
    He goes on living
    Even if he seems leaving
    His heart goes on beating
    With us in rythm and passion
    We vibrate in unisson
    Like a huge and universal wave
    And not a farewell wave
    A never-ending ocean of emotion
    Like a sparkling of God
    It’s just gold
    Artists live ever and ever
    Twisting our soul
    Trembling like poetric fool
    He sings and dances in a neverdying rythm
    Our deepest feelings,with artists,close to them
    Thanck you for existing
    Thanck you for having us moving
    Artists who make a better world
    It’s just pure gold
    Of beauty and eternity
    Treasure of harmony and fantasy
    Even if he seems sleeping
    He goes on living
    Even if he seems leaving
    His heart goes on beating
    With us in rythm and passion
    We vibrate in unisson
    Thanck to the artists
    who insist
    Making the world less bitter
    Living on for ever
    Making the world better
    living on for ever
    offering the creative fever
    intensity living for ever!
    Frederique dhenein

    Ps/sorry for the faults,being french! i don’t like all the monkey money businness around artists,and all the gossips and trash! i heard all the rubbish about childabuses,and in the bottom of my heart, and he has ben disculpated, i know, he his innocent! i

  2. I’m your chinese fen,I like Michael dance,Michael is the greatest artist,no one can instead of him.Michael still live in my heart,you are not alone

  3. Jane, he was already dying as soon as he could no longer take the pain, where it was physical or mental. What a tragic loss for everyone.

  4. Hi Jane. I have been a fan of yours since “On Golden Pond” and 9 to 5. Iwould appreciate it if you would rela to Ted Turner that I appreciate all the time that CNN is spending on the life of Michael Jackson. As compared to other media outlets CNN has been wonderful to the life and memory of Michael Jackson. Thank you so much!! I feel that Michael has been wrongly scorned. But, Ted Turner and his staff at CNN are helping keep Michael’s memory alive for his family and fans.

    I was deeply distraught( and still am) with the death of Michael Jackson. To me he was my first singer that I liked. I remember 5thgrade and getting “Off the Wall.”
    I loved that record. Over the years I loved “Thriller” and some of his other hits. I NEVER once listened to any of the garbage on TV about him. I always remember him being the sweet guy who sang my tv favorite songs” She’s OUt of my Live” and the songs from the “Freewilly” soundtrack. I always identified with Michael. I am very shy and a child at heart and had a difficult childhood. I totally understood being ridiculed by others by looks and rumors. I feel so sorry for his mother, she reminds me of my own mother, she went to bat for her son and stayed with him during his darkest days, no mother should ever have to go on national tv and say that their son is not gay, not a pedafile. In my opinion, Mrs. Jackson desserves an honor, she was truly devoted to her son. I feel as if I have lost someone I have grown up with and I have. It hurts so much that people can be so cruel and rumors and innueundos can truly effect a person. But, Michael taught us how to love. I am sure he is in a better place. I pray for his family and children. I hope that now the media will leave him alone.

    Thank you Jane. I know you were a good friend to Michael. I hope you will be able to keep in touch with the family so that his children will know how special he was to many people.

    God Bless you.

    • Sometimes, when you hurt so bad you just want to numb the pain and don’t think about the consequences. and haven’t we all felt like “that won’t happen to me”? or maybe he did know & didn’t care. sometimes the thought of everlasting peace is easier to handle than the real world. isn’t that unfortunate? but then again this was not his decision alone. he had people whom he put his trust in that will now be prosecuted for their actions or inaction.

      I grew up with Michael named my first son after him. Our b’days were close (mine-8/31/58) and always felt, like i’m sure many of you do for one reason or another, a certain closeness to him. I am still devastated by his death & cry when I listen to or watch anything about him. My husband symapathizes with me but doesn’t understand it.

      Rest in peace sweetie. Our love will always be with you.

    • I don’t think i will ever get over this. My husband asked me what i wanted to do for my b’day this weekend & told him i am not leaving the house. i need to watch his final resting and i don’t think even that will do it for me. i suppose it’s because to me I can’t face it. he will always live on in my heart. Spiritual or wishful thinking? i don’t know. it just is what it is. i miss him dearly. watch randy singing smile & tell me that doesn’t tear you apart!

      Happy B’day Michael! Our selfish love wants to keep u with us but personally i think you’r’e probably happier & more restful than you’ve beeen in 40 years

      Love you always!

  5. If Michael was fearing his own death. It does not make sense why he would do such harm to his body with these supposed drugs. knowing it could kill him.. Something doesn’t seem right after reading your blog, I followed him from Jackson 5 til around Thriller, and Bad, then I lost track of him. I changed music like phases, from some country,to light rock, some Chris Daughtry,and Nickelback, then I went back to Michael’s music mostly on You tube, to see what was new. I skipped the media frenzy when he got into trouble.I couldn’t believe a man who could write music like Heal the world and Earth. a song everyone needs to hear if you have not.anyway, i didn’t believe he was guilty of what they said.I won’t give it a name for it’s over,and been done, and you don’t know how glad I was when he was exonerated. I was not willing to turn on the news or read the tabloids,and now funny,,I still can’t entertain either.I just want Michael to rest in peace,but I fear, The media won’t even let that happen even in his death.though untimely and too soon.

  6. it hurts to know hes gone seeing his old stuff on youtube it pains me to know what he went through and that i never got to meet such a unique and wonderful soul who maintained composure throughout all the lies and betrayal and see the same person who shattered records and changed history.

  7. “Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one’s head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no tomorrow. To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace.”

    Michael, you’re free now so enjoy the peace and quiet.

  8. i wish he wasn’t gone. selfishly i wish he was still here doing what he loved.

  9. I wish he wasnt gone. Selfishly I wish he was still here, doing what he loves to do and what he does the best. To me Michael, had zero flaws. No matter what he did, whether bad or good, something about it was so cute and innocent. He loved everyone more. But i have to say, we truly loved him most. And I keep thinking did he know that? People say he wasn’t fully happy. Why not? For every horrible person who said something about him, there were 50 people telling them to shut up and supported him. Im watching all his old stuff and his pictures are all over my neighbourhood. I just keep thinking why did he have to leave now? Right before something great. People say he had to rebuild his career and I personally thinking his career never left. He just took a break. And if he had came on that stage, it would have been just like the old days. Thousand of people fainting each night and screaming their lungs out.

  10. Re Michael Jackson I am a youth and community worker and one thing I have observe is it does rob a child of the process of forming an identity if you have been bullied especially if you have been bullied by a parent who should be your role model- you lose your confidence to build a sesne of sel( I know of this first hand) to counteract this you need to get people around you that empower you but also keep you grounded. Michael’s stardom may have prevented this- sometimes us “annonymous” people do not realise the circus that comes with the sort of fame he had. I could not have coped with it and maybe he coulden’t but knew nothing else- there is a lot of pathos to his story-
    Quiet honestly I did not appreciate Michael Jackson’s talent and ability in the true sense in recent times. Yet I loved his voice in One Day in Your life- and Gotta to be there in the Morning and then as he, Rocky Robin (and I) got older, Billie Jean and Beat It (I did not even know that he had written some of those songs and many others). And a lot of my lack of acknowledgment of his talents were due to the “circus” around him (not all his fault, but he certainly attracted it).

    Then I watched him in concert as part of a tribute night recently after his death- Hell, I was mesmerised, he gave his all- he never stopped in his shows, the audience could not keep up with him- and he was cheeky with his moves ( a lot of them paying homage to the movie greats-(he studied old movies) including Betty Boop and James Cagney (beat that for diversity) – and he also had a sort of natural sensuality that you would not attribute to him any other time- but when he danced. Plus a lovely charismatic smile ( especially in the early days and until he almost obliterated his smile in recent times or so photos suggest.)
    At present, I have found it hard to listen to his music (especially his ballads from the early days) as it makes me feel exceptionally blue. He was clearly a vulnerable soul. Due to being bullied as a child-(something I do know something about having been a youth worker).
    Another major credit to him is those children, his children (if not biologically- nurturing makes them his) they clearly adored him- he apparently self schooled them.

    And the amount of money he gave to charity was also something I knew nothing about.

    And something else that shed new light on him for me- This is the article about the father of the first molestation case against Michael Jackson-

    http://floacist.wordpress.com/2007/11/0 … ot-enough/

    Yes, he clearly had his demons ( because of his childhood struggles), but I do not think that entailed child molestation.

    Lionel Richie’s daughter (Nicole) apparently spent a huge amount of time at Neverland and she has said nothing happened that was inappropriate. She said, “it was like being with a big kid”, and that Michael had the ability to put himself on the kids level, and played video games with them. She said of her Godfather (Michael)- “had he ever laid a hand on me, or anyone- I would have told people-as I was never reserved in that area.” She apparently spent lots of times staying overnight at Michael’s Neverland property.

    I now feel, that the poor devil was hounded to death- both by these allegation (once you are accused of child molestation- the taint is permanent)- and the media it sold more papers to brandish him a “pervert”.

    And in his comeback-
    He only wanted to do 10 concerts apparently- and yet his latest manager- “Handler” convinced him to do 50- I thought something was strange when I read that only the first 10 had been insured- obviously they had rushed the other 40 on when Michael’s popularity was proven- with the sell out of the first 10 concerts in record time. I believe him to have been a very rare talent, and a gentle soul, I think his children are testament to that.

    If we are contrasting Michael with – Elvis, (who’s vast talent I respect btw)- Elvis did not see his child that much after the divorce, and by accounts just spoilt Lisa Marie, buying her a mink coats and flying for a day, in the jet he named after her, to the snow – etc. In contrast Michael’s kids were dressed in Target clothes, and even his, fiercest detractors, have said that the children are all very lovely, polite and intelligent kids. He wanted his kids to, be given the childhood life he was not allowed to have.

    Plus the obsession with his skin colour- how many people of paler skin colour spend hours trying to get darker skin (whole industries are set up for that end)? And people take that as normal? Michael could not get his records or videos played apparantly when he first started – he was denied access to MTV because of the colour of his skin. Disgraceful. Elvis was known to be inspired by, (some would say rightly or wrongly- he ripped off) the black music sound, (black musicians could not hope to get air play.
    Elvis was able to put his records straight to air- thirty years before Michael?
    It apparantly took Elton John and Paul McCartney to say to MTV, “Well don’t play our music if you won’t play Michael Jackson” any wonder Michael Jackson had his hang ups?
    Industry people said that later on, MTV claimed that the “M” was now standing for Michael- that is how far his impact was on that channel- and if you are a pop music follower you can observe that since the 80’s his style has been copied till today- just look at the way someone like Beyonce et al- stages a film clip and especially their dance sequences, they are all lending a big creative part of MJ’s style (all this I have just appreciated).

    I think a lot of us would have “cracked” in the goldfish bowl that was his Michael Jackson’s life.

    I though it was very revealing that he chose Charlie Chaplin’s song “Smile” as his all time fave song-

    Say what you like about Michael Jackson (and people have done for decades) he was not boring and he certainly was not one dimensional.

    I do hope his children have a better time of things, and that somebody understands their needs above and beyond- material needs, as their father clearly did.

  11. I’m very saddened by the death of Michael Jackson. A man who was constantly crying out in some of his songs for love and how lonely and empty he was. I wished he would of checked into the best rehab center and stayed no matter how long it took and dealt with his deep emotional pain that crippled him to self destruct and self mutilate his face. You can see how important it is for a healthy father and son relationship which Michael never had. I’m sure that their were so many things that were never role modeled for him by his parents. Love, friendship, communication, trust, comprising, setting boundaries, respect, etc. It’s hard because Michael didn’t need to die if he just would of dealt with his pain with a good psychiatrist like, Dr. Drew and therapist. I know it is no fun going back and feeling all the anger, hurt, frustration,emptiness, lonliness, but he would of been freed from the emotional trama. I know because I came from an alcoholic home and alot of the feelings are the same.
    Yahweh sent alot of people into his life to try and get him to turn around and get help but it seems like he wanted to stay in the safe place he had created in his heart and mind which only kept him stuck and alone. I hope he is in glory. Just to be in the prescene of Yahweh. What Glory and Splendor. Even Paul said in the scriptures that he could not put into words what heaven was like. I pray for his children and family that they will all come to the saving knowledge of Yahshua and be born from above. May they bring to trial all the doctors responsible in this and may they serve long prison time for there love of money instead of helping Michael to receive the true help that he needed.

  12. I truly believe in my heart, that Michael was special. Of course we all know he was special, we could see that, but I believe his love for the world was one of a kind. I don’t know nothing for sure, but I go with what I know by looking at everything from different aspects and what my heart believes in. That’s something he thaught me, to believe.

    Michael Jackson was too much for this cold world to hold, I truly believe so. Our world still has a very hard time accepting what’s different, and we need to change that.

    Jane, I wish with all my heart that I got to know him the way you did.

    Love, S

    By: KathrynO

    Michael will you be there when I get to the gate
    Let me hug you and tell you I know that I’m late.
    In letting you know how sorry I am
    For all the injustices done to you by man

    Self-conscious and shy, always asking why
    Having compassion for the living
    Asking everyone to start giving
    To make the world a better place
    For the entire human race

    You hid behind a mask
    And the only thing you asked
    That you be allowed the freedom to explore
    To find what you were looking for

    For those who thought you were into males
    Weaving their disgusting tales
    I know they were untrue
    For I knew the real you

    By those who chose to censure your right
    And belittled your choice to fight
    Against charges that were untrue
    He was only looking for money from you

    So many are to blame
    The guilty should bow their heads in shame
    At the way they made you live your life
    Too selfish to see your pain and strife

    There is blood on the hands
    Of every woman and man
    Who stood by and did nothing
    Yet always wanting something

    God used you a vessel for “good”
    Only few of us understood
    Heal the world and make a change were you motto’s
    And you asked the world to follow

    The Lord has called you home
    For your work here is done
    Rest knowing you gave your all
    And never turned down a call
    To help the sick and the poor
    And anyone else who came to your door

    Your talents went beyond your years
    And can never be refuted
    Being the King of Pop was your moniker
    And will never be disputed
    You leave behind a legacy of love
    The whole world needs a little of

    Rest in peace, gentle,sweet,kind Michael. You will missed ALWAYS.

    • Kathryn, that was such a beautiful poem. Thanks. Those who loves MJ would surely love it too!

  14. Wow, Jane. What a beautiful blog. I was genuinely moved. MJ was many parts of different times in my life of 48 years. I don’t pretend to understand him or have conviction as to what really unfolded during his lifetime. I like to believe that he was a good person with a kind heart. And as you say, through his art he will live on in all of our hearts …

  15. MJ I LOVE YOU!

  16. Dear ‘Beautiful’ Jane,

    Please allow me here to reply to your blog about Michael and his passing…for what it’s worth… but mostly thank you for sharing a little memory of yours about Michael 🙂

    I’ve never considered myself one of his fans somehow, yet I’ve always had most of his recordings from the late 80s onwards and I love them more and more each day. I haven’t been blessed with the opportunity to know him, nor to see im live! 🙁 (I was hoping to see one of his shows at the O2 this summer).

    The only impression/thoughts & feelings I can gather about Michael come purely from his music, his songs, the sincere tone in his voice and his artistic vision. The feeling I have about the ‘melt down’ he had with you on ‘death’ is that he most probably believed in the power of words, in the energy that thoughts and words carry into forming matter and maybe he did not necessarily want to visualise your grave there and then… nor his as a matter of fact…yet, he may have for a split second and felt tremendous sadness.

    Thinking about it, he must have been still in his mid/late 20s back then? Considering he may also have been a late bloomer under certain aspects, I wasn’t surprised at all to read about his reaction. I’d have reacted exactly the same. He was still a fairly young man then wasn’t he Jane?

    His attraction to older women makes perfect sense to me, it’s so easy to detect huge sensitivity in his voice. A wiser person will always make the shy/inadequate one feel more at ease in their presence, don’t you agree? He must loved your company.

    Perhaps Michael never quite managed to persuade the world he too did his shares of ‘growing up’, but I think, to be able to make a decision and a committment to raise 3 children is not to be ignored. There are still a lot of ‘fathers’ out there who couldn’t care less for his own children. It’s sad but so very true.

    I do believe that given ‘all’ and most unusual circumastances Michael did very well with his life and he has most certainly gone too soon.

    Thanks for reading this.

    My Kindest Regards


  17. woops, sorry for the mistakes :-/ , have just spotted a few while reading back.

  18. I thought about it being “painless” also but it still makes me so sad. When he announced his concerts in March, he looked pretty good and I thought that maybe he had recovered somewhat from the trial…then he died. It was a shock to me.

    I was fortunate enough to meet J5 (in my hometown)at a concession stand at the movies showing horror movies all night. There were not too many people there because it was late at night. I remember getting the autographs and when I looked at them, I said “oh”! He said worriedly..”Is that Ok?”. I told him that it was great! I was surprised I got all 5. Then he smiled. Sweet kid.
    Unfortunately, over the years those signatures got lost…

  19. Thank You for sharing what you could about the time you spent with Michael Jackson.

    Millions of People around the world miss him sooooo much…we only wish that we could have known the man behind the music as much as you did (even if that really was alot).

    You speak truth about the coming of death for all…I too am glad Michael left us suddenly…not long drawn out struggle, just floated away in his sleep!

    Love & Peace,
    Antoinette A.


  21. Dear Jane,

    I have been listening to Michael’s songs. It called my attention that in many of them he seems to long for UNITY with nature, God and of all religions. I find him “non-literal” in every aspect of his artistry (including his dance). I hope that in the future somebody focuses on that instead of all the details of his personal life. Aren’t we all a “piece of work” or a work in progress? The interesting thing about the life of an artist is his work and the inner struggle to reach that. I find this Western civilization very literal. I didn’t feel that way while writing a book about Massoud and the Afghans.

  22. Dear Jane,
    Your comments about death and Michael Jackson moved me deeply and I had to write. Last fall my friend Carla Flack and I. both conscious mediums, had the wild,unexpected adventure of receiving transmissions from 8 celebrities who had passed on–starting with, incredibly enough, Walter Cronkite. On the heels of Walter came Michael Jackson within 24 hours, followed by Abraham Lincoln, Albert Einstein, Amelia Earhart, Paul Newman, Walt Disney and John Lennon. We asked two questions: What were the insights gleaned from your life, and What was your moment of passing like? From their these two questions, we received a vibrant view of the afterlife–an ongoing state of consciousnessness in which soullearning continues in the presence of Love. To our surprise and delight, each “personality” expressed him or herself with the uniqueness they were known for, and yet indelible themes persist throughout. I would love to send you a copy, either in PDF form or in the printed format (available on Amazon.com). So many readers have written about their tears of recognition and joy when they read the book, and many have said the book cured their fear of death. You can read more about it on our joint website: http://www.HeavenSpeaksTheBook.com. Or on my personal website: BooksbyPamelaBloom.com. You will see I have written other spiritual books, and I was a former arts & entertainment reporter.
    I think you personally, Jane, would love what Amelia Earhart had to say. One point was about “The Man Inside the Woman”! Paul Newman was one of my personal favorites, but John Lennon just rocked our socks off. Michael was certainly one of the most creative: besides vulnerable, honest adn deeply genuine passages, he left us both with new lyrics to his song “Human Nature” which includes his new view from heaven.
    The passing of any one we love is painful because it triggers our own unresolved fears and not-knowings. The deepest wish of Carla and myself is that readers of HEAVEN SPEAKS will gain a new perception that will help them see their life and death in a seamless, ever-evolving path.
    If you’d like the book, it would be our delight to send it to you. With much love,and gratitude for all the wonderful work in your life
    Pamela Bloom

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